One convert's perspective on authentic discipleship, cultural disconnects, and why real missionary work starts with real relationships
I love my church. Truly. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has anchored me in ways I didn’t even know I needed. It’s given me purpose, community, and a relationship with Jesus Christ that has completely reshaped the way I move through life. It brought me out of some of the darkest seasons of my life and continues to call me to something higher, deeper, and more eternal.
But I’m a convert. And being a convert in a church so deeply shaped by Utah culture sometimes feels like walking through the Twilight Zone with a flashlight and no batteries. There are moments where I wonder if I accidentally walked into a cultural play where everyone else knows their lines and I’m just standing there blinking. The gospel is pure, but sometimes the culture surrounding it feels like an added filter that makes it harder for people like me to fully integrate.
Our Calling as Missionaries
My husband Kyle and I serve as ward missionaries and temple/family history consultants. It’s a sacred responsibility that we honor and hold close to our hearts. But we approach our callings very differently than what some might expect. We don’t lead with perfectly pressed outfits, rehearsed missionary discussions, or rush people into temple commitments like it’s a race. We show up in jeans and realness. We build relationships. We earn trust. We listen more than we speak. We serve people where they actually are, not where we wish they were.
This approach is not without purpose. Alma 17:11 says, "Go forth among the Lamanites, thy brethren, and establish my word; yet ye shall be patient in long-suffering and afflictions, that ye may show forth good examples unto them in me, and I will make an instrument of thee in my hands unto the salvation of many souls." Our goal has always been to be instruments in His hands—not in our own timeline, but in the Lord's, and through meaningful connection.
Conversion Is Messy (and That’s Okay)
We’ve both been through enough in life to know that conversion isn’t just an event—it’s a deeply personal, spiritual process. And not the polished, church-approved version of that process either. I’m talking about the real conversion. The kind that comes with shame, resistance, brokenness, swearing-at-God moments, relapses, doubts, and layers of undoing before the rebuilding even begins. It’s not pretty. But it’s honest. And it deserves space, not judgment.
I often think about Enos and how his transformation wasn’t instant. Enos 1:4 says, "And my soul hungered; and I kneeled down before my Maker, and I cried unto him in mighty prayer and supplication for mine own soul; and all the day long did I cry unto him." That is what true conversion looks like—a soul that hungers and wrestles.
Sometimes it feels like the Church only wants to hear the cleaned-up version of conversion—the one with a tidy testimony arc and a bow on top. But for many of us, the process is raw, rude, and totally unfiltered. And that’s the version of the gospel I think people are actually craving: the one that meets them where they are and walks with them at their pace.
The Utah Bubble vs. Real-Life Discipleship
There’s a culture within the church that’s heavily influenced by Utah. Some of it is beautiful and rooted in tradition. But a lot of it feels performative, outdated, or simply out of touch if you didn’t grow up in it. As converts, Kyle and I have learned to lovingly sidestep some of that—to keep what uplifts and let go of what doesn’t serve. We seek to follow the Savior, not the checklist.
Even sacrament meeting and other group gatherings often feel so disconnected from lived experience that we only partake every once in a while. Not because we don’t love the gospel. But because we’re trying to keep our faith rooted in something real, not performative. We love the Savior. We honor the covenant path. We’re just not interested in playing church culture dress-up.
We find comfort in scriptures like Romans 12:2: "And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God." For us, transformation comes through honest discipleship, not forced conformity.
We Still Feel Out of Place
We know what it’s like to feel out of place, because we still feel out of place. And I’m not entirely sure that feeling ever fully goes away for converts. The Utah bubble doesn’t always recognize that Utah culture doesn’t dictate the culture outside of it.
It’s okay to have a tea party. Your style isn’t going to burst into flames. Your nose ring, tattoos, or non-conforming clothing aren’t gospel liabilities. You can love the gospel and feel weird at the potluck. You can be deeply committed to Jesus Christ and still wonder what on earth some leadership talks are even talking about.
As Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf once said, "There is room for you here. Come, join with us!" That invitation was never meant to be exclusive to a cultural standard, but open to every soul seeking the Savior.
A Better Way to Share the Gospel
I don’t say any of this to be disrespectful. I say it because I believe that authentic conversion, real discipleship, and spiritual transformation are too important to treat like numbers or checkboxes. Luke 15 reminds us that Christ left the ninety and nine to find the one. He didn’t do it with a spreadsheet. He did it with love, with presence, and with relentless grace.
We don’t need more rushed baptisms or awkward pressure. We need more empathy. More relationship. More Spirit-led conversations that honor where people really are in their journey. Like Alma 29:9 says, "I know that which the Lord hath commanded me, and I glory in it. I do not glory of myself, but I glory in that which the Lord hath commanded me."
To the "muggles" (non-members) we meet and love along the way: there’s no pressure here. We’re not here to sell you anything. We’re just here to walk with you, love you, and share the light we’ve found when and if you're ready. The rest is between you and the Spirit.
And to the new missionaries stepping into this sacred work: please remember it’s not about numbers, checklists, or timelines. It’s not about seeing how quickly someone can get from first contact to the baptismal font and then the Temple five weeks later. It’s about seeing people—really seeing them. Listening. Loving. Letting the Spirit lead instead of forcing an agenda. If we want people to experience the true joy of the gospel, we have to stop rushing them through a process that should be rich, intentional, and Spirit-led. There’s no honor in pressure; the real honor is in patience.
Because that’s what missionary work should be. Not performative. Not pushy. Just real people, living real lives, and loving others with Christ at the center..
